TOP 10 Insane Sentiments You SHOULDN’T Put On Birthday Cards

Written By J. Marshall

10. I was going to put your gift in a box….

Then I decided it’d be easier just to get you nothing

9. I was going to buy you candy for your birthday

But At 400lbs You Obviously Have Enough On Your Plate

8. Sorry I couldn’t get you a father for your birthday, son

So I got you this cool card instead

7. I Know This Has Been A Hard Year For You…

Which Is Why I Didn’t Bother Acknowledging Your Birthday Last Week

6. There Are Gifts All Around

But I Couldn’t Afford To Buy You Any Of Them

5. You Have Been Such A Great Kid…

What The Fuck Happened?

4. You Already Blessed Me With One Grandchild

Please Don’t Curse Me With Another

3. I Can’t Believe How Time Flies

Apparently Too Slow To Get You The Fuck Out Here

2. Son, When You Reach That Inevitable Fork In The Road…

Just Don’t Fork Your Ass Back Here

1. Look At The Man You’ve Become…

You Should Be Ashamed



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Jon on the River

Jon on the River

Home of my open journal. I will speak about growth and take you through the heaven and hell that makes up this process